After the 2017 World Baseball Classic and a phenomenon called “Shlo Mania” that swept Asia like a malfunctioning robotic vacuum, the continent is finally returning to normal. Residents of Japan are getting back to regular life after the government issued an official statement saying, “Go home. Go back to work. Stop looking for Shlomo. He is gone. Everything is going to be ok, we think.”
The hysteria comes after the visit of Team Israel and their right handed pitcher, Shlomo Lipetz (aka Shlo J Simpson), the largest mammal to set foot on the island since Godzilla. The people of Japan were instantly fascinated with Lipetz (9 feet, 540 pounds) who dresses like an evil magician or an extra from Thriller. “He is so cool. I think I saw him in Star Wars,” said one Japanese fan who had been waiting outside the team’s hotel for three days to get a glimpse of Lipetz. “Yes. Yes you did. That was definitively him,” I reassured the hopeful if tired man who claimed to be a part of a newly formed gang called the “Shlo Boys” who dressed in slightly altered women’s clothing and were attempting, and failing, to grow beards thicker than barbecue sauce in the style of Lipetz, their hero.
It is unclear where exactly Asia goes culturally or politically from here. Shlo Mania has thrown nations as far east as Japan and as far west as Mongolia into unexpected uncertainty. Centuries of carefully honed and revered obedience are being questioned at every station of society. “We didn’t know you could do that,” said the prime minister of Laos. One thing is for sure following the 2017 World Baseball Classic… Asia will never be the same.
To witness Shlo Mania in action, view the video below…
https://instagram.com/p/BRfvXRQAdoI/
Lipetz was not available for comment.
