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THE CAPE 

6 Jun

I leave tomorrow for Cape Cod. I’m joining the coaching staff of the Yarmouth-Dennis Red Sox for the summer. For those of you who don’t know about the league, to clarify, it is THE GREATEST BASEBALL LEAGUE OF ALL TIME. For a COMPLETLEY REALISTIC representation of the league, see the documentary film “Summer Catch” starring Freddy Prinze Jr., Jessica Beal, and Brittany Murphy. It is a cinematic masterpiece. It’s like if you combined all three Godfather films and The Deer Hunter and whatever your favorite movie is – except it’s not about a crime family or Vietnam – it’s about a college baseball league in Cape Cod, and it’s horrible. Rotten Tomatoes calls Summer Catch, “A cliched and predictable sports comedy that’s mostly devoid of excitement or laughs.” One reviewer said of the instant classic, “It is a cheap rip-off of Bull Durham, the film is very bad at best, and at its worst absolutely abysmal.” 

“Wait. What? That’s not right.” Freddy Prinze Jr starring as LHP Ryan Dunne in Summer Catch, the best movie.


So, friend, reader, our adventure continues. Opening night is June 14. Come to the Cape, eat giant underwater cockroaches called lobsters, and support the YD Red Sox. 

See the roster and schedule below…

http://ydredsox.pointstreaksites.com/view/ydredsox/homepage-1

SHLO MANIA 

31 Mar

After the 2017 World Baseball Classic and a phenomenon called “Shlo Mania” that swept Asia like a malfunctioning robotic vacuum, the continent is finally returning to normal. Residents of Japan are getting back to regular life after the government issued an official statement saying, “Go home. Go back to work. Stop looking for Shlomo. He is gone. Everything is going to be ok, we think.”

The hysteria comes after the visit of Team Israel and their right handed pitcher, Shlomo Lipetz (aka Shlo J Simpson), the largest mammal to set foot on the island since Godzilla. The people of Japan were instantly fascinated with Lipetz (9 feet, 540 pounds) who dresses like an evil magician or an extra from Thriller. “He is so cool. I think I saw him in Star Wars,” said one Japanese fan who had been waiting outside the team’s hotel for three days to get a glimpse of Lipetz. “Yes. Yes you did. That was definitively him,” I reassured the hopeful if tired man who claimed to be a part of a newly formed gang called the “Shlo Boys” who dressed in slightly altered women’s clothing and were attempting, and failing, to grow beards thicker than barbecue sauce in the style of Lipetz, their hero.

It is unclear where exactly Asia goes culturally or politically from here. Shlo Mania has thrown nations as far east as Japan and as far west as Mongolia into unexpected uncertainty. Centuries of carefully honed and revered obedience are being questioned at every station of society. “We didn’t know you could do that,” said the prime minister of Laos. One thing is for sure following the 2017 World Baseball Classic… Asia will never be the same.

To witness Shlo Mania in action, view the video below…

https://instagram.com/p/BRfvXRQAdoI/
Lipetz was not available for comment.

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ARIZONA 

27 Feb

We just wrapped training camp in Arizona at the Colorados Rockies spring training facility. It’s a real dump. Here are a couple pictures of it… 


In a few hours, we leave for Korea. And so it begins, again, for the first time, the 2017 World Baseball Classic. This is really it. What we have all been waiting for – me, you, and everyone we know. I, King of All Jewish Baseball, proud 1st base coach of the Greatest Jewish Baseball Team of All Time, for once, do not have anything particularly funny to say. I am, I suppose, swept up in the moment. So I will do what we all resort to when faced with utter speechlessness. I will show you pretty pictures. Do not forget to tune in and watch your favorite Jews take on the world, and search #teamisraelwbc on all social media for updates. All I can say is this. We love you. And we are going to play our asses off. See you in Korea.