It’s that magical time of year again when children awaken to claw, crawl, and climb from their underground sleeping holes like the zombie offspring of the undead. That’s right, the 2014/2015 school year has begun, and despite that not being in any way a unit of time provided to us by nature, or having anything to do with most of you, for those of us who work with kids, it is a signal, THEY ARE COMING, like an unstoppable train. Summer is over.
It also marks the beginning of my 2nd year on this little-known moon of Mars called Israel. It feels like longer. So much has happened. And so much is going on. So much, dear reader, to tell you. I am memorizing all the lyrics of Brooklyn’s Finest by Jay Z and Biggie Smalls. And I have started the book. That’s right, Ladies and Geetles, THE BOOK, the whole thing, the whole story, all of it, THE KING OF JEWISH BASEBALL, to be followed by the film, of course. I will even share some of it with you here, if you promise not to show anyone. It is a book about a blog about a man about the future about the past about real made-up things that have and have not yet happened. Ah yes, where does the time go?
The most excting thing, the best news to share with you, is that last week, new European and World rankings were released. We’re ranked 5th IN EUROPE, and 19th IN THE WORLD. It is important to note that I do not know if what I am going to say next is “true”, as it’s called, but that has never stopped me, I am, after all, the King of All Jewish Baseball, I say what I want, it sounds good, and it might even be accurate. 5th and 19th are the highest European and World rankings for any Israeli team, in any sport, ever.
And we’re not done yet. Not even close. USA, we’re coming for you. I have heard of this USA before. THEY ARE NOT THAT GOOD. “Kershaw”, he is no Lipetz. Sorry, “Tulowitzki”, we have Fish. “Adam Jones” has nothing on Weinberg. On paper, they may be the better team. But on a gravel parking lot in Herzliya, I think we have them beat. Anytime, anywhere, USA, name the makeshift field, and we’re there.
Boom. 19. Come get some, USA.
And, of course, as promised, an excerpt from the book…
“I was born a Fat Bald Naked Poor Jewish Baby in Vermont, January 2, 1980.”
Boom. That’s all you get. The first line. You thought I was going to give you more?
Buy the book.
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