Tag Archives: #dodgers


4 Sep

Before we begin, dear reader, I must warn you, if you are having a hard day, this is a sad story.  As you may have heard, Joc Pederson was recently called up from the Minor Leagues to play for the Los Angeles Dodgers.  I know Joc, and, well, this is hard, how can I, it’s just, as the King of All Jewish Baseball, Protector of All That is Holy on Earth, I feel it is my responsibility to tell you the truth about him.

Joc Pederson.  Team Israel.

Joc Pederson. Team Israel.

I met Joc in the hospitalty room at the hotel, a room full of snacks, and drinks he was too young to have.  He was only 20, an exciting young prospect.  Now, just look at him, disgusting, WASHED UP, 22 years-old, at the end of his career.  It’s sad, really, to see him hobbling around out there like that.  He could have been good.  But we’ll never know.  HE IS TOO OLD.

Way back then, back in the day, in 2012, he was strong, and fast. “Who is this kid?”  So much talent.  So much skill.

How did he fall so far, so fast?

It happens all the time.  You know the story.  Money, women, leading the league in home runs, drugs, 30/30, paranoia, Rookie of the Year, a secret obsession with cookies and cream ice-cream, MVP.  And boom, look what happens, next thing you know, STARTING IN CENTER FIELD FOR THE DODGERS AT 22. So sad.  But that’s just how it goes, I guess.  He lost himself.  Can you imagine the shame?

Yes, Ladies and Geetles, the truth about Joc Pederson is, I must confess, once and for all, that… he is a good kid, and a great baseball player. Yes, a kid, still. Or maybe he is a good baseball player, and a great kid. Or maybe a good baseball player, and a great taxidermist. It remains to be seen.

I have a picture of me and Joc in the clubhouse in only our jock straps and some catchers gear. As a PROFESSIONAL BLOGGER, I would like to share it.  But I will not, because, well, I am the King of Jewish Baseball, and he is a MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYER, and you are neither of these things and as such do not deserve to see an object of such sick beauty.  He has a reputation as a SOCIOPATH DRUG ADDICT to protect. And I would not want to do anything to harm him.

YUNG JOC, we’re in Israel in Dodger Blue hollering your name!




2 Nov

Shabbat Shalom.

There is a lot going on.  We had a meeting of QUITE POWERFUL JEWISH AND NON-JEWISH WIZARDS at Leich Cream’s.  Leich, naturally, was there, Miri, wife of Leich, was there as well, Jewish Jackie Robinson, as she is known (http://www.timesofisrael.com/a-landmark-baby-step-to-religious-pluralism/), Destroyer of the Rabbinical Gender Barrier and All That Is Unjust.  And a smattering of other friends and family– Oh, and Ron Cey.

Ron Cey

Ron Cey

For those of you who are very, very dumb, which is ALL of you, I will tell you, here and now, using only the power of lasers and magnets, and and my computer, Ron played 3rd base for the Los Angeles Dodgers from 1971-1984, The King of All Los Angeles Dodgers 3rd Baseman, if you will.   He hit 316 career home runs.  He was the MVP of the 1981 World Series.

What, I assume you are wondering, considering how little you know, was Ron Cey doing at Kibbutz Gezer?  To which I answer… and allow me to take a moment to acknowledge this rare unnatural phenomenon, I do not know.  All I know is when someone calls and says Ron Cey is at their house, you go there.  When Shlo called and said he was with Prince, I simply grabbed whatever gold jewelry and brimless leopard print hats were in arms reach, got on my Segway, and floated down the street like I was on a conveyer belt screaming, “Get the fuck out of my way, I am going to find Prince.”  I realize, as King of Jewish Baseball, Things of Such Magnificence happen to me OFTEN, and happen to you NEVER, so I will tell you, it is just how these things work.

The King of All Jewish Baseball and Ron Cey

The King of All Jewish Baseball and Ron Cey, King of All Dodgers 3rd Baseman

But I, as is my habit, have been distracted, for I did not come down from the Heavens to tell you about Big Leaguers, I came to tell you about Little Leaguers.  That’s right, Ladies and Geetles, our season has begun.  Each week, across the country, coaches and players unite– nay, teams unite, soccer fields become baseball fields, carpools form, and for 2 hours each Friday, the Eternal Flame of Jewish Baseball burns bright.  Without further ado, I now, belatedly, using only a serpent, and my camera, of course, proudly present, THE TEAMS OF THE IAB…

The Tel Aviv Comrades, The Raanana Raiders, The Lev Hasharon Nationals, The Zofit Warriors, The Ginot Shomron Hawks, The Bet Shemesh Comets, Blue Sox, and Mavericks, The Modiin Miracles, The Hashmonaim Atzec Flames, The Jerusalem Lions, The Gezer Bats, Team Misgav, and The Rehovot Raptors.

But, as we’ve discussed so many times, there is no need, considering I am a professional blogger, to bore you any longer with old fashioned “words”, I will show you with the new and exciting technology of photography.  It rained this Friday, but some of our teams still practiced.  I went to Modiin and Tel Aviv.  Meet them now, for the first time, your favorite new baseball teams…

Modiin Miracles, 8-10 year olds

Modiin Miracles, 8-10 year olds

Modiin Miracles, 12-14 year olds

Modiin Miracles, 10-12 year olds

Modiin Miracles, 12-14 year olds

Modiin Miracles, 12-14 year olds

A Miracles pitcher throws in the "bullpen'

A Miracles pitcher throws in the “bullpen”

The Tel Aviv Comrades, 8-10 years old

The Tel Aviv Comrades, 8-10 year olds

Tel Aviv Comrades 10-12 year olds

Tel Aviv Comrades 10-12 year olds

Tel Aviv Comrades, 14-16 years old

Tel Aviv Comrades, 14-16 year olds