ONE YEAR

14 Jun

That’s right, faithful reader, your count is correct, it has been almost one year since I moved to Israel, June 20th, to be exact.  One year since I left New York City.  My old life, dinners with Prince and Tom Brady, weekends in the Hamptons, late nights with the cast of Saturday Night Live.  My new life, saving all children, ending racism, and bringing baseball to the Middle East.  It is I, King of Jewish Baseball, the exhausted—I mean, exalted one, the Holder of the Spark of the Torch of the Human Flame of Outer Space, Giver of Life, Champion of Spirit and Dirt.

The Anniversary of your Aliyah, as it’s called, your moving to Israel, “moving up”, translated directly, is a big deal.  People have parties and post on Facebook.  One year is a good number for review, it turns out, one whole unit, an anniversary.  The human mind, after all, requires structure, even the soft mind of a revolutionary pervert scientist like yourself.  Yes, there will most surely be a parade in my honor, maybe a chariot race, Jerusalem will close for the day, like the pope.  But, it must be a surprise.  I have not heard an announcment yet.  Anyhow, I cannot be distracted by celebrations, there is work to do, and before that, even, these words to write.

People ask me, Fish, has it been hard, you know, moving? – To Israel? – Where you don’t know anyone and don’t speak the language? – It must be. – Right? – Right? – It’s hard, right?  It’s effected you in ways you never expected. – Am I right? –  And not just moving, but, at the same time, living in an abandoned church in Jaffa while producing the most important art of the 21st century and leading the most powerful clandestine baseball organization in the world, the Israel Association of Baseball?  Right? – Fish? – Fish? – Fish?

And I lay my hands over their eyes and tell them, “SSSSSHHHHHHH.  OF COURSE IT IS NOT HARD, I am the King of All Jewish Baseball, you FOOL, nothing is hard.  And lay off the heavy questions.  I am trying to focus.  And don’t call me Fish, it’s Coach Fish.  As a matter of fact, no one speaks directly to me from now on, talk to one of my interns, they will tell me what is important, after which they either will or will not be killed.  Now be gone.  And remember, if I can do all of this, you can surely do whatever considerably easier and less meaningful task the universe has chosen for you.”

But, if I must tell you, since it is just you and I, if you promise not to tell anyone… it is hard.

I arrived last year, the great and memorable calendar year of 2014, as it is known, ready to face my destiny, claim the crown of Jewish Baseball, and take my rightful place in history.  But I was caught-up in a fantasy, grand thinking, as is my habit.  I am, after all, the King of All Jewish Baseball.  It is my specialty.  I thought All Children of Earth would automatically upon my arrival start singing “A Song for You” by Donny Hathaway while playing baseball in slow motion in a field of flowers.  It did not occur to me I would have to WORK so hard.  What is this?  I am the King of Jewish Baseball. I don’t work.  I am into to dancing and gold jewelry. I am into FREEDOM!  But, it turns out, one must walk to freedom.  So we continue onward together.  Another year.  Another country.  Another chance to be great.

You can do it.

You can do it.

2 Responses to “ONE YEAR”

  1. Margo Sugarman June 15, 2014 at 10:23 am #

    Israel Baseball, the land of Israel and the entire Jewish race are better off for the KOJB having made Aliyah. Long may he reign in the land of awesome baseball.

  2. 12up12down July 1, 2014 at 2:54 am #

    You’re in Israel??? I had no idea that you left. Just thought that you were…I don’t know what I thought.

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