THE GREAT KINGDOM OF CENTRAL FLORIDA

28 Jan

It was cold in New York, so the King of Jewish Baseball packed up his equipment, that is to say, his bag of scarves, handcuffs, and rabbits, and headed for sunny Orlando, aka, the Magical Land of Abandoned Styrofoam Castles, for the 2013 annual AAU Mens Fastpitch Softball Tournament.

Orlando's ESPN Wide World of Sports

The KOJB at Orlando’s ESPN Wide World of Sports

Beautiful Orlando.  Magical Orlando.  Disney’s Orlando.  But what happened here, in this place called Orlando?  For what was once clearly a thriving metropolis has been reduced to a bizarre stretch of giant gift shops, novelty stores, and Waffle Houses.  What ancient warriors are responsible for this destruction?  The conquistadors?   The Crusaders?  The economic collapse of 2008?  Many Kings used to ride the wooded trails of Route 192, I can tell, can feel their presence, horses lurching forward, breathe heavy under chainmail and steel visors, swords drawn, on their way to Disney World.  How could this have happened to the Great Kingdom of Central Florida?  Have a look for yourselves, but be warned, the following images are graphic, as in graphic design, highly colorful marvels of post-modern architecture selling almost exclusively post cards and fruit – art of the highest order, if you will…

Orange World, the world's largest fruit stand.

Orange World, the world’s largest fruit stand.

Who can resist Giant Elvis?

Who can resist Giant Elvis? None shall pass!

I am not sure what, if anything, was for sale inside.

Do not let the completely empty parking lot fool you.  Orlando’s economy is booming.

What is more welcoming than a giant wizard with a lazy eye? - That is correct, nothing.

What is more welcoming than a giant wizard with a lazy eye? – That is correct, nothing.

Everyones' favorite three headed Flarafigator, guarding the gates of Orlando.

Everyones’ favorite three headed Flarrafigator, guarding the gates of Orlando.

And so I leave Orlando confused, but optimistic.  For if one man named Walt can colonize and destroy an entire city with only the help of a mouse named Mickey, just imagine what the King of Jewish Baseball can accomplish with his army of Jewish Baseball Geniuses.

3 Responses to “THE GREAT KINGDOM OF CENTRAL FLORIDA”

  1. Marcia Bloomberg January 28, 2013 at 9:12 pm #

    Fabulous!

  2. Hertz, Stephen January 28, 2013 at 10:19 pm #

    What about the tournament?

    Sent from my iPad

  3. PainTrain January 31, 2013 at 2:26 pm #

    This is literary genius. Read it to my daughter Lily for her bedtime story.

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