JEW’S ON FIRST?

13 Aug

I got this from the staff today…

Dear player,

We again thank you for your interest in joining Team Israel in the World Baseball Classic Qualifier in Jupiter Florida.  MLB has now asked us to provide objective proof of your eligibility to be part of Team Israel, in addition to the affidavit that we asked you to fill out. As you are aware, your eligibility stems from the ‘heritage’ rule.  Because of your Jewish heritage you are eligible to be a member of Team Israel.   

The tournament committee is requiring an objective document to verify your Jewish heritage.  This process is the same for all teams who have players whose eligibility is a result of the heritage rule.  For example a US citizen who wishes to play for the Spanish team must produce a document that proves that his parent or grandparent was a Spanish citizen.  

In your case we must prove that you are Jewish,or your parent or grandparent is/was Jewish.   We will need one or more of the following documents from you:

A Bar Mitzvah certificate given to you or your Jewish parent or grandparent.

A ketubah (wedding contract) for you, your parents or grandparents.

A letter from the rabbi or community leader of your local synagogue or other Jewish organization (e.g. JCC, college Hillel).

Another form of written objective proof.  

We thank you again for your cooperation and timely response to this request.  Your eligibility to participate in this tournament is dependent upon procuring one of these documents.

***

What’s this?  The King of Jewish Baseball’s Jewishness being questioned?

The community is outraged.

I happened to be at my parents house (aka the “synagogue”, or the holy shrine to Judaism), so decided to take a moment to ponder, what makes a Jew?  And dig up, for Major League Baseball, if that is your real name, some proof.  Before I begin, allow me to state my full name.

Nathan Israel Bloomberg Fish.

Here is a picture of me and my sister, Hadassah Naomi Fish, on the cover of our parents Childrens Judaica Catalogue, Mail Order Maven.  A very popular genre.

dasi fish and nate fish aka the king of all jewish baseball circa 1982

Now what type of non-Jews in their right minds would be walking around doing that!?  We either are Jewish, or I am an unknowing participant in an elaborate, pointless con.

The document specifically asks for a ketubah, a Jewish marriage certificate.  So let’s get that.

one sweet ketubah!

Now, the people from the document above, brought to life using only the power of the internet and the mind of a genius, landies and geetles, my mom and dad.

Check the Shnoz, MLB.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Should I even continue?

Yes. I should.

Here he is at his Bar-Mitzvah.

Jerome Phillip Fish, age 13

My mom, aka the mind behind the scheme, raised us jewish and covered our home with Jewish literature and art in order for me to one day play for Israel in the World Baseball Classic.  She went to Brandeis University and worked diligently for the Jewish Community.  And to think, all in order to deceive us!  You are looking at a sick, devious, genius, people.

i see clearly now, the prop mug has been a lie all along

I will spare you most of the tour and will just tell you the whole house looks like this…

so jewish it hurts

Here I am rocking the mic at my Bar Mitzvah August 14th 1993 also known as, “the day the King of Jewish Baseball descended on a charriot of fire”.

looking horrified

My reply…

www.kingofjewishbaseball.com

2 Responses to “JEW’S ON FIRST?”

  1. Ira August 13, 2012 at 6:12 am #

    Hey Fish – you present a pretty strong case…. but how about a mohel’s report?

  2. Dave Blackburn August 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm #

    Fishy, how about a photo of you in your Maccabi USA fastpitch uniform covered from head to toe with dirt and clay in Buenos Aires…Or in Israel with your Maccabi USA Fastpitch Uniform ringed in 12 gallons of sweat….Or you can always just tell them that you only buy wholesale!

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