THE DMV!

18 Jul

54 Days ’til camp!  64 days to the tournament!

KING OF JEWISH BASEBALL WENT OVER 1,OOO VIEWS TODAY! – according to the stats I check every hour or so.  Almost to 1,200.  The blog is consuming me.  Help.  It, along with my play on the field, dictates my mood lately along with obviously the amount of gold jewelry I am wearing at the time.

Baseball Bandits united in the park today.

The Baseball Bandits, Shlomo Lipetz and Nate Fish, on their Bandit Mobile, an electric scooter.

Went to the DMV today too.  Now, before your very eyes, ladies and gentleman, I am going to attempt the magic of not only being the King of All Jewish Baseball, but a legal driver in the great State of New York.

I do not have a license.  It expired. I never renewed.  Six years ago.

For those of you who do not live in New York, this may seem insane, and maybe it is, but let me tell you, it’s never been an inconvenience.  Just last week I rented a car, drove to a barn upstate where I DJed a very nice wedding, and returned the car, all without incident.  I am personally of the opinion that I do not need a piece of plastic to tell me when to drive, for I am a very good driver.  But I figure my luck is used up.  And it would only be appropriate that as King of Jewish Baseball and a professional blogger that if I at any point I am asked to drive the Bandit Mobile in a parade, or rent a car from a legitimate establishment, that I legally be allowed to do so.  Lord knows, I have tried before, and failed.

Two years ago Joe and Carry were getting married in Wisconsin.  I had a flight.  But my passport was set to expire, and I didn’t have ID.  I went to the DMV to get a license a simple, naive, care-free man.  Two weeks later, I was paranoid and broken, writing my local congress person, begging for an ID.

I went to the DMV that dreaded day, nothing in hand.  I was quickly crushed.  You can’t just walk into the DMV like that – It’s war in there,  and leave with a license.  It had been more than two year since my license had expired, so I had to start all over, get a permit, and pass the written and road tests.

I asked if I could get a New York State ID.  The answer was yes! I just needed to score 6 points on the chart to prove my identity. 2 points for a passport.  2 points for a social security card. And so on.

I prepared for my next trip.  I had my passport.  And a couple pieces of mail.

But my passport expired within the 6 month limit.  Rejected! They told me to get a social security card.

I went to the social security offices.  I was told that because my passport was going to expire, they could not issue me a new card, as I had no other form of ID.  They told me to get a note from a doctor verifying my age and identity.  I am serious.  I had a doctor write me a letter confirming I was me and returned for the card.

Back to the DMV for my new New York State ID.  Social Security card.  A birth certificate my dad had driven to the hospital where I was born in New Hampshire for!  No one man alone could accomplish something as difficult as being issued a New York State photo ID.  This was a family thing now.  And I was still trying to push the soon to be expired passport as a legitimate form of ID.

Still shy of 6 though.  No ID!

Shit.  I began thinking I would be deported.  And the wedding was getting close.

I went to a place in mid-town where they get passports fast and paid $200 for them to work their beautiful magic.  I would have paid twice that so never have to go back to the DMV.

But today I returned.  Two years strong.  Refreshed.

I was immediately slapped and sent away.

I showed up just before 4pm, confident I would get my license this time, battle hardened, all the right documents in hand – my valid passort, Social Security Card, birth certificate. expired passport, a urine sample, and a drawing of a bird, and was told the booth I needed closes at 3:30.

But I will not be defeated.  Oh no.  I, King of Jewish Baseball, am getting my license.

the battlefield. the DMV!

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